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"Be Where Your Feet Are" Through Grief and Growth

Updated: Jan 18, 2022

The last couple years have been a roller coaster of intense highs and some shocking lows. A couple weeks after graduating from UCLA (in June 2019) my mom passed away from cancer. It was after a long and hard fought battle of nearly 4 years that the disease eventually took her life. I was devastated and felt extremely lost.

The high of a recent college graduation being immediately met with the crushing loss of a parent presented challenges I wouldn’t have been able to navigate alone. The endless support of friends and family made those trying times a bit more manageable. In the 6 months that followed I did a bit of traveling around the states and in Europe. In January 2020 I moved to Sydney, Australia to work/ live as an Au pair. Initially I was only planning a 6 month stay but I’ve fallen hard for Australia.

After spending 9 months working for a gorgeous family in Sydney I moved to the small country town of Canowindra, NSW. There I spent 5 months doing part au pair work and part farmhand work on a vineyard. While the tasks were often quite mundane and repetitive, my time in Cano was incredible. It challenged me to find comfort in a place that was SO far out of my comfort zone. To adapt to a whole new set of a challenges and learn an entirely new skill set. I never thought talking extensively about tractors, sheep, or the grape growing process would be something I found interesting - turns out it is. I’ve wrapped up my time on the farm (for now) and taking a travel break to do some roadtripping around Aus.

Through my ever changing circumstances, a saying I often fall back on as a reminder to stay present is “be where your feet are”. There is no sense worrying about what’s going on outside of your control or your space. Something that has helped me stay present is my love for running. I made a goal for myself to run a marathon while I was in Sydney and after training hard I completed it in the fall of 2020. The more I’ve been able to invest my thinking into being where my feet are the better I’ve been able to fully immerse myself in my experiences. It’s an ongoing process. Sometimes I find it’s flat out impossible to find presence and I’ve realised that’s ok too and to be forgiving with myself.

Healing and growth isn’t linear. It’s the resilience during the hardest times that make the good times that much more special.

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